Community guidelines
How we hold this space together
Afterlight is a quiet place to grieve out loud — anonymous, text-only, and tended by the people who use it. There are no moderators behind a curtain. The norms below are what make the community gentle enough to keep coming back to.
Please read these once. You can cite them when you report something, when you appeal, or when you are just trying to figure out whether a word lands the way you meant it to.
Anonymity and privacy
We do not use real names. That is the foundation, not a feature.
- Your pseudonym is all anyone sees. Real names, photos, videos, voice, and links are not part of public posts or comments. The point is to let you be honest without being identifiable.
- Do not post your own identifying details in public — full name, address, workplace, phone, email, social handles. Once it is out, it is out.
- Do not post anyone else's details, either. Not a person you are grieving, not a person who hurt someone you love, not a friend from outside Afterlight.
- Text-only is intentional. Avoid QR codes, obfuscated URLs, or workarounds like "dot com" spellings. Our filters catch most of this; the rest is on us to honor by habit.
- Direct messages are more private than public rooms, but they are not secret. If someone asks you to move a conversation off Afterlight — to email, phone, or another app — take your time. You are not obligated.
How we speak to each other
Presence over advice. Curiosity over correction. Grief has no timeline.
- Believe people. Grief is not a claim to be verified. If someone says it hurts, it hurts.
- Lead with presence. "I am here. I read this. I am sitting with you." is almost always enough. You do not need to have the right words.
- Offer your own experience, not a prescription. "This is what helped me" is kind. "You should" often is not.
- No timelines, no comparisons. People are not late to their own grief, and no loss is more or less valid than another.
- Hard topics, soft hands. It is okay — often necessary — to talk about death, suicide, miscarriage, addiction, and violence. The ask is to name them with care and without spectacle.
- When you do not know what to say, react. The five reactions — heart, support, resonate, gratitude, tribute — exist so a reply is never required for someone to feel held.
What's not allowed
A short list, strictly enforced. These exist so the rest of the space can stay open.
- Harassment. Targeted hostility, mockery, threats, slurs, or pile-ons against another member.
- Harm-promoting content. Encouraging, romanticizing, or giving instructions for suicide, self-injury, or violence toward others.
- Spam and promotion. Selling anything, recruiting to external communities, pushing services, or repeating the same message across rooms.
- Links and contact details in public. Posts and comments are text-only. URLs, emails, phone numbers, and social handles do not belong in public content, including in DMs that were obviously sent to harvest or redirect attention.
- Personal information (yours or anyone's). See the anonymity section.
- Impersonation. Do not pretend to be someone else — a specific real person, an organization, a crisis service, or another Afterlight member.
- Soliciting money, donations, or favors. Afterlight is free and will stay that way. Please do not use grief as a platform for fundraising or trade.
- Illegal content. Anything that would be unlawful to share — including content exploiting or endangering minors — is removed immediately and may be reported to authorities.
How reports and moderation work
Moderation here is done by the community. No single person decides what stays.
If you see a post or comment that breaks these guidelines, use the report button. Choose the reason that fits best and, if you want, add a short note explaining what you saw. Reporting is anonymous to the author.
When three unique reports are upheld on the same post or comment, it is removed and replaced with a tombstone — a placeholder saying the content was removed, without exposing what it said.
Authors whose content is removed are notified and can file an appeal. Appeals are reviewed by Trust Level 4 Guides — members of the community who have earned that trust through empathetic participation, not staff. If an appeal is upheld, the content is restored.
Reporters carry responsibility too. Accurate reports are quietly rewarded. Reports the community rejects cost karma. The goal is to report carefully, not often.
You can see aggregated, anonymized moderation activity on the moderation transparency page. No per-user or per-room data is ever shown.
If you are in crisis
Afterlight is a community, not a crisis service. If you or someone you love is in immediate danger, please reach a trained human now.
We keep an up-to-date directory of crisis hotlines and grief-support organizations — free, confidential, and staffed by people trained to listen.
Open crisis & support resources →
If someone here is writing about wanting to hurt themselves and it feels urgent, please share the resources page with them, and consider reporting the post so that Trust Level 1+ members and Guides are alerted. You are not responsible for saving anyone — but a gentle nudge toward help is a kind thing to offer.
Questions or feedback
These guidelines will keep evolving as the community does.
If something here is unclear, missing, or lands wrong, we want to know. The help center covers how Afterlight works in practice — rooms, reactions, trust levels, privacy. This page is about the values behind it.
You can also review the Terms, the Privacy Policy, or accessibility settings.